The Truth Behind Everything

a comedy sketch by Terrel

Pets. You gotta love’em. If you don’t have one, that’s fine, it just means that you missin’ out on some good stuff. If you do have a pet, which I bet 75% of people in here do, then you know what type of friendship I’m talkin’ about. I had this dream once about a pet cat I always wanted. Cats are cool. Like me. Cool. Here’s the dream:

My parents call me to come home and I head to my room. And see a cat on my floor.

“Hey, is this for me?”

“No, it snuck in and purposely waited for you.”

My mom then comes in and says, “Happy Birthday, what shall you name it?”

I say Biscuits.

Now, I know I could have chosen a better name, but what would you do if you felt pressured?

“Alright, name your pet now or I’ll take it back to the shelter.”

“Biscuits!”

“Why Biscuits?”

“Well, she’s soft, it is she right? She’s soft like butter, small, tasty…”.

“Woah-woah-woah! You a cannibal?”

“ No… I always wanted to name something Biscuits. Besides Biscuits.”

So the name stuck for a year or two and then my friends came over for a summer party. Apparently one of them bought KFC. Good job, Frank.

I’m about to see somebody reach for the biscuits and then it hits me:

“Wanna meet my cat?”

“Sure.”

Apparently, my cat is under the table where the bucket of biscuits are and so I say, “Biscuits! Get over here!”

“Hey dude, it’s right here. No need to yell at the food.”

Then my cat jumps on my lap.

“Oh.”

I then learned never to name things after food.

What’s worse? Invisibly stabbing them.

If you might have guessed it , I’m talking about the PPAP song. The one with the reject Macklemore singer pressuring invisible pens with invisible fruit.

There are 2 problems with this:

One, you are wasting pens! It’s basically saying hey you want a free dollar, nope! (rip invisible dollar)

And 2, if you think about it, Steve Jobs and Apple Inc must be either pissed or amazed at how horribly advertised this is.

Thanks, Daimaou Kosaka. And thank you for listening. Good night.

Terrel is a sophomore.  He says, “I always wanted to be a comedian.  …Crack a joke or two. It’s fun.”

 

 

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